Rule # 117

"bad decisions almost always lead to great stories"

Rule # 617

"The words "turkey" and "bacon" should never be in the same sentence"

Rule # 875

"Saying - I love you - immediately before, during or after sex doesn't count"

Rule # 498

"only rock stars are allowed to wear leather pants"

Rule # 21

"Never drive faster than your angel can fly"

Rule # 700

"Marriage changes passion.  Now you're sleeping with a relative"

Rule # 101

"The best villains will have foreign accents and will walk slowly"

Rule # 22

"Always avoid the 'last' of everything...the last subway car..the last deviled egg..the last man/woman in the bar"

Rule # 279

"Never take sleeping pills and a laxative on the same night"

Rule # 532

"You never want to hear the words "play doh" and "microwave" in the same sentence"

Rule # 303

"The food always looks better in the magazine"

Rule # 11

"If your attorney's e-mail address ends in hotmail, gmail or yahoo.com, you should probably get a new attorney"

Rule # 184

"Sandwiches and toast always taste better when cut in triangles"

Rule # 57

"We are all responsible for what we do...unless we're celebrities"

Rule # 342

"Under no circumstances should you eat the free sushi"